Hey Arnold! Season 6: Retirement
by Cre8ivelybankrupt87
Summary: With his son and daughter-in-law running the boarding house like clockwork, Grandpa Phil sees an opportunity to at last retire. Will Arnold have to cope with his lifelong guardians not being around anymore? Find out in this silly heartwarming tale.
1. Passing the Torch

As the sun rose over the Sunset Arms Boarding House, its soft yellow rays slowly brought the aging proprietor of the home out of his slumber. Phil Shortman, affectionately known as Grandpa or Gramps around the house, arose from bed as he had hundreds if not thousands of times in his long lifetime, less than eager to begin the daily tasks required of him. As the landlord, the task of feeding his tenants fell to him and his wife Gertrude, and the renters had always been nothing if not demanding. This morning felt like nothing out of the ordinary to him, until to his horror he glanced at his alarm clock to see he had slept in, apparently having forgotten to set the alarm.

"Uh oh," he gasped, and turned to his wife to rally her, "Pookie! Wake up! We slept in! Oh, they'll be rioting in the kitchen by now! Hurry! Before they burn the place down! Or worse… try to fix their own breakfasts… and burn the place down!"

Still in his pajamas, Phil fled down the stairs as fast as his old bones could carry him. To his surprise he wasn't hearing any angry cries coming from downstairs, on the contrary the voices he heard sounded positively jovial. When he reached the kitchen he saw his longtime tenants Ernie, Oskar and Mr. Hyunh all busily eating breakfast and drinking coffee, all looking quite content. Yeti sightings were more common around the Sunset Arms than looks of contentedness from its tenants, and this alarmed Phil almost as much as the thought of them rioting in anger.

"Okay… when did you bums learn how to cook for yourselves?" Grandpa Phil scratched his head, trying to assess the scene.

"Us?" Ernie asked incredulously, "Wasn't us, it was-"

"Who wants seconds?" Came the voice of another man emerging from the kitchen, carrying a large plate covered in piles of french toast.

Grandpa had to do a double take for a moment, then remembered the man in question was in fact his own son, Miles. In the past few months since his son had returned home, reality hadn't quite sunken into Phil's longterm memory and he felt somewhat surprised every morning to see his boy. It had been ten years since he had last seen Miles or his wife Stella, though not due to a falling out, rather the two of them had been quite literally lost in the jungle in all that time. Rather than feeling relieved however, Grandpa's instant reaction fell more on the defensive side.  
"Now, wait just a darned minute," He said, wagging a finger, "What do you think you're doing manning the kitchen? That's a job for adults!"

"I'm forty, dad." his son responded.

"Exactly, you're far too young to be using the stove unsupervised." Phil declared.

Miles smiled at his father knowingly, "Hey, look dad, Stella and I got up early and thought we'd let you two sleep in for a change. We've got everything covered, don't worry about it."

"Did you mettle with my alarm?" Phil asked, "That's a groundable offense, young man…"

"Aw, come on," Miles insisted, "You don't need to keep treating me like I'm ten."

"And you don't need to keep treating me like an old fossil who would make a big hullabaloo out of nothing!" Grandpa said. "Which reminds me… what was I so steamed about?"

Before he could remember or continue complaining, his grandson Arnold arrived in the kitchen wearing his backpack, bringing with him his usual air of sunshine and tranquility. That uncanny aura seemed to pacify the angry old man as he smiled at his grandson.

"Morning Grandpa." Arnold waved, "Morning Ernie, Oskar, Mr. Hyunh. Morning dad!" he hugged his father.

"Hey Arnold," Miles said, tussling his son's hair, "Sleep well?"  
"Yeah." Arnold said contentedly as he grabbed a plate and began shoveling food into his mouth, "Didn't have that dream, so there was that…" He said, referring to a recurring dream he'd been having all summer, in which his parents had never returned. "Mm, this is really good!" he exclaimed.

"Well, your mom and I dusted off an old recipe," Miles said, "It's been a while since we've made french toast."  
'It's been forever since we had something this good around here." Ernie remarked.

"Oh yes, it is so much better than that usual pig slop we are forced to eat," Oskar remarked in his thick Czech accent, "Ah heh heh heh."

Grandpa frowned, "Pig slop would be too good for the likes of you, Kokoschka."

With a haughty sounding squeal, Abner the family pet pig turned his snout upward and left the kitchen in a huff.

"Hey, don't be sore, gramps." Ernie said, "Those two are running this place like clockwork! With Miles and Stella around you can finally have a little time to breathe."

"Well, I suppose…" Grandpa said, somewhat ruefully.

As Arnold and the others resumed eating, Grandpa shrugged his shoulders and decided he'd allow things to carry on in this vein, for now at least.

Later on in the morning, after Arnold had walked off to school and the boarders had finished their breakfasts, Grandpa wandered over to his arm chair in the lounge with the morning paper in hand.

"And now to get a head start on the crossword puzzle before one of those nags needs something. Should give me about thirty seconds…" He chuckled to himself, "Let's see… one across; seventeen letter word for the irrational fear of the number thirteen… well, they've got a word for just about everything these days. Now let me think…" Grandpa glanced up and looked around the room, expected to be interrupted any moment. "Hmm. Now, where was I? Oh yes… seventeen letter word for- WHAT? What do you want now you no good-" Grandpa realized he was yelling at a picture on the wall, "Huh. Suppose you'll be wanting to be reframed… well, not now! I'm busy!" Grandpa again tried in vain to return to his crossword, but couldn't concentrate, "All this peace and quiet… too much peace and quiet. Wait just a doggone minute… why is nobody interrupting?"

Grandpa threw down the newspaper and stormed over to kitchen to investigate the total lack of disturbances. There sat Ernie, Hyunh and Oskar all sitting and apparently conversing in a rather friendly manner over coffee, which itself was an unusual sight.

"All right, what's going on in here?" Grandpa demanded.

The three men looked at him with perplexed faces.

"What are you talking about, Gramps?" Ernie asked.

"It's been nearly fifteen minutes and not one of you has complained or needed something." Grandpa said accusingly, "Just what in the Hell Michigan is going on here? You're all being so quiet and unobtrusive I can't concentrate!"

"Um, you feeling alright, Gramps?" Ernie asked, sounding genuinely concerned, "Nothing's wrong, really."

"I think he needs to be put in a home." Oskar suggested.

"I'm in one! Mine!" Grandpa snapped back.

While Oskar appeared amused, Ernie looked at the distraught old man with concern.

"Look, everything's fine, nothing's up." he insisted.

"But what about that light bulb you're always begging me to change?" Grandpa asked, "You know, the one you can't reach!"

Ernie shrugged, "Oh that. Ah, I was gonna ask about that, but Stella actually took care of it before I did."

"Hyunh?" Grandpa asked, turning to Mr. Hyunh, "You've been asking me about getting that radiator fixed for weeks… you… need me to look into that?"

"Oh no," Mr. Hyunh threw up his arms in protest, "Miles fixed my radiator days ago. I'm very contented. Nothing at all is wrong for me. I am a very happy camper!" He grinned broadly.

Throwing himself to the knees of Oskar, Grandpa cried out in desperation.

"Oskar!" he pleaded, "You… you're the most dependable person I've ever known when it comes to having something to complain about! C'mon, tell me what you need!"

Uncharacteristically, Oskar began listing things off on his fingers in an untroubled tone, "Let me see… everything is in working order, the toilet is unclogged, the food is good, my room is neat and tidy, the leak in the ceiling is patched, Susie still hasn't come back from the grocery store since last summer, but Stella makes very good sandwiches, I have never been in better health… no. No complaints, old man."

"What? You don't even need any money?" Grandpa shouted.

"Okay, sounds good." Oskar smiled impishly and stuck out his hand.

"No!" Grandpa shot back, "All right you two-timing sneaks! What are you playing at here? Even the stupid pig isn't bothering me for anything around here!"

Abner looked up and snorted happily.

"Dad?" the voice of Miles came from the doorway, "What's wrong? You've been shouting all morning…"

"What's wrong?" Grandpa repeated, "Nothing's wrong, that's what's wrong! When I said you had to pull your weight around here I didn't mean do such a good job that you left your old man with nothing to do! I'm losing my mind here! There's a certain rhythm I've gotten used to around here and all this peace and tranquility is ruining my inner peace and tranquility!"

"I'm… sorry?" Miles shrugged, not sure of how to react.

"Yes, you should be very ashamed of yourself, young man." Oskar chided, "Don't worry, old man I will discipline him. As punishment, make me a sandwich?"

Miles smiled, "Coming up." He affirmed, and walked back to the kitchen.

Grandpa smacked himself in the forehead, "That's not how you deal with that bum! Get back here you do-goody sucker!"

The boarders exchanged looks of confusion, except for Oskar who just grinned and giggled to himself.

"Their whole family…" Mr. Hynuh said, "Very weird…"

"Makes you wonder how Arnold turned out so sensible with their DNA…" Ernie added.

As time passed, Grandpa slowly cooled down and came to accept the lack of chaos. After an uneventful morning and afternoon, he decided to unwind by spending a little time with his favorite grandson. After he searched the whole house however, Arnold was nowhere to be found. Giving up on his search, he returned to the kitchen and sat down to think. Before he had a chance however, a figure wearing a hazmat suit and carrying a shovel covered in dirt stepped into the room. To the untrained eye this sort of presence may have been a cause for alarm, but Phil knew better. This was ironically the most normal thing to happen around here all day.

"Hello Pookie, where have you been all day?" he asked.

The wearer removed their mask to reveal the face of Grandma Gertie, affectionately known as Pookie.

"The basement is completely radon free." she announced, "And now we've got a tunnel that goes all the way to the subway if we ever need to make a quick getaway."

"Uh huh…" Grandpa said, never sure how much of his wife's antics were real or imaginary. "You seen Arnold lately? I thought I'd take him to get some ice cream, maybe go see a movie."

"Oh, Miles and Stella took him out to get ice cream and then go to the movies." Pookie answered in a very on the nose way.

"Aha." Grandpa sighed, "That figures."

"Why so down, Slim?" she asked.

"Oh no reason." Grandpa shrugged, "I just didn't find much to do today… I can usually concentrate on my hobbies so long as those renters hit reset on my brain now and then with their constant griping… but everything's just been so… functional, since Miles and Stella came home. It's getting in the way of all the usual controlled chaos I'm used to."

"Things are just going smoothly around here for once." Grandma noted, "We're just not used to it yet."

"The renters are happy, everything's taken care of before I can get to it," He paused then sighed, "Even Arnold doesn't need me around anymore, with his folks back… oh, and I'm happy for him, but it does make you wonder what's left for us to do?"

"Don't be sad, Slim." Gertie reassured him, "You're still his favorite grandpa."

"Sad?" Grandpa asked, his tone changing completely, "This is wonderful!" He exclaimed, and began jumping for joy, "Oh, Pookie, don't you see it? All our worldly duties have been usurped by the next generation! We don't even need to pass on the torch to the next generation because they've already snatched it out of our cold half dead hands! Far as I'm concerned we're free! Free!"  
"You mean?" Grandma asked eagerly.

"That's right. Over dinner tonight we're finally making the big announcement… it's time to finally go ahead with our big plan I never thought we'd live long enough for."

"The time has come!" Grandma jumped onto the table and raised her fist into the air, "Tibet will be freed by our hands!"

"No, pookie, the other big plan…" Grandpa groaned.

* * *

_**According to Bartlett, Susie wasn't in TJM because she finally left Oskar. In my headcanon, she apparently told Oskar she was going to the grocery store several months ago, and never returned. Even though the truth is obvious, Oskar is willfully in denial that she left him. How he's been paying the rent since remains a mystery...**_

_**The word Grandpa was searching for was triskaidekaphobia, a word you should now find a way to work into everyday conversation.**_


	2. Second Childhood

"Retiring?" Arnold, his mother and father gasped in unison, repeating what Grandpa Phil had just announced.

"That's right." Grandpa said with a broad grin, "I'm hanging up my torch and passing the hat of leadership onto the next generation… or something like that. It's a good thing you two came back, I was getting close to letting Abner take over."

Abner snorted in disapproval.

"You're still next in line, just ahead of Arnold." Grandpa reassured him, then turned to his grandson, "Sorry, Arnold, you're far more qualified, but the pig still has seniority."

"But, why now?" Arnold asked.

Grandpa regarded the boy and explained, "Well, short man, as you may have noticed, Grandma and I aren't as young and spry as we used to be and-"

"Freedom!" the voice of Grandma rang out, and she burst into the kitchen wearing leather armor, a kilt and with her face painted blue and white. "They may take our social security, but they'll never take our freedom!" She cackled uproariously.

"Well, alright, we're still spry," Grandpa corrected himself, then turned to Miles and Stella, "But with you two back from your big long nap, it's only fair that Pookie and I get some time to ourselves before our bigger longer nap."

"But dad," Miles said, "I never really saw myself taking over the boarding house… I was planning to go back into academia, maybe teach at the community college or…"

"Uh huh, that ten year gap in your resume been working in your favor?" Grandpa asked.

Miles shrugged, "I uh, haven't gotten any interviews yet of course… I still haven't mastered that… what did you call it Arnold?"

"Email." Arnold answered.

"Right, that thing." Miles said.

"Think you'd better go back to school for learning before you go back for teaching." Grandpa said, "Regardless, after running this old dump for the last hundred and fifty years and going through parenthood _twice_, I'd say it's finally my turn to pass the Sunset Arms onto my son, just like my father passed it onto me."

"Dad," Miles said incredulously, "Grandpa never ran this place… you started this establishment."

"Well, split hairs if you will," Grandpa said, "But it's time for Pookie and me to move on before you put us in a home. We've got to get out and see the world while we're still young!"

"You're retiring and leaving the boarding house?" Stella asked, "Where would you go?"

"Remains to be seen," Grandma answered, "We're still weighing our options."

"And we've got plenty of em," Grandpa added, "After all the work we've put in around here, I think we've earned it."

Miles, Stella and Arnold exchanged glances. It was true, at eighty three Grandpa had done a commendable job running this establishment well into his autumn years, in spite of all the usual chaos around the house. They all seemed to nonverbally agree that perhaps he and Grandma had earned a retirement.

"Well," Stella spoke up, "I for one think it's a great idea. But…" She fished for an excuse, "Can you… afford to retire?"

"Oh don't you worry about the financial side," Grandpa insisted, "Let's see, between the social security checks, my military pension… oh, and I've got a nice fat nest egg I secreted away long ago."

"Really?" Arnold asked, "You never mentioned that."

"Well, it's true. Only issue is I… I just… uh, well I can't quite remember where I buried it… oh well, minor details, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Pookie? Do you remember where we buried all that gold back in the seventies?"

"I can't remember what we're talking about." Grandma said nonchalantly.

"Our retirement?" Grandpa reminded her.

"Oh right." Grandma said.

Arnold and his parents looked at one another with worry all over their faces. None of them had any idea what grandma and grandpa were planning, and they surmised the old couple had no idea either. Arnold felt somewhat conflicted, not wanting his grandparents to leave but also feeling they deserved a retirement after taking care of him for so long, while at the same time also worrying about them going out into the world on their own. He constantly had to remind himself that they were his elders, not the other way around.

The next day, Arnold broke the news to his best friend as they walked off to school together.

"Retiring?" Gerald asked, "So what? They moving into an old folks home or something?"

"I don't think even they know." Arnold sighed, "The whole idea just seemed to come completely out of nowhere."

"Arnold, your grandparents are cool, but I guess they are known to be a little…" Gerald fished for the right word, "Spontaneous?"

"True, but they really seem serious about it," Arnold sighed, "I can't really imagine the house without them, but I guess they want to get out on their own. I never thought they'd ever get tired of the place."

"It's true, I don't think I ever thought your grandpa would just give up running things," Gerald said, "I think both your grandparents were born running. I don't know, maybe it's just time to let them go."

"What?" Arnold asked in surprise.

"I mean, they are getting on." Gerald said, "I mean, that's not to say you're a burden because you're anything but. Still though, maybe they just wanna get to enjoy their golden years now that your folks are back."

"I guess that makes sense." Arnold said, "I still feel bad. I've been spending so much time with my parents lately, I think Grandpa's just doing this all to make a statement or something. Maybe I just haven't given him the kind of attention I used to."

"You think he's going through all this just to get your attention?" Gerald asked.

Arnold shrugged, "Maybe."

"It's always gotta be about you, doesn't it?" Gerald said with a smirk, "But maybe you're right. Why not just spend more time with him then?"

"You think that'll stop him from moving out?" Arnold asked.

"Heck if I know, man." Gerald shrugged. "But it couldn't hurt."

"I guess so." Arnold sighed. "Good plan. I'll give it a shot."

When Arnold returned home at the end of the day, he found his parents and grandparents were sitting at the kitchen table. Grandpa appeared to be going through several travel brochures as the younger generation was giving him disapproving looks.

"I don't know about Branson," Grandpa shook his head, "That's all just a bunch of entertainment for old geezers. Vegas, now there's an idea…"

"Grandpa?" Arnold asked, "Hey, I was thinking, wanna go fishing or-"

"Not now, short man, Pookie and I are making our plan of attack." Grandpa said.

Grandma became animated as she spoke, "I say we tunnel our way in, and then dynamite the-"

"Figurative plan of attack, Pookie." Grandpa groaned, "For our retirement."

"Oh." Grandma said, "Well, that could still be fun I suppose."

"Well, what's the plan?" Arnold asked.

"Oh we're going to do it like we do everything else in life." Grandpa said, "Make it up as we go. Worked with the way we raised you and your dad and you both turned out adequately. Should be fine."

"So… you're moving out…" Arnold began.

"Yes." Grandpa said.

"You're just going to go traveling?" Arnold continued.

"Yes."

"You don't have a solid plan of where you're going or what you're doing."

"Yes." Grandma said. "We've got everything we need. We're traveling light."

"But what about all your stuff?" Arnold asked, "All your fishing gear, and all your other knick knacks and stuff."

"Oh, don't worry, I've drawn up a will and everything." Grandpa pushed a piece of paper at Arnold, which he picked up.

Arnold then read the paper, "'It's all yours.' That's your entire will?"  
"Oh, what do I need all that junk weighing me down for?" Grandpa asked.

"Be good to the piano." Grandma added. "I couldn't fit it in the Packard."

"I just think this is all crazy." Arnold said, "You only decided to retire yesterday, and you're just going out into the world with no real plan? Is this a retirement or a midlife crisis?"

"More of an end of life crisis… oh Arnold, some day when you're old and gray you'll just want to get away from it all." Grandpa said, "By then you and your cranky little girlfriend will be ready to just-"

"Grandpa…" Arnold interjected.

"No, dad, Arnold's right." Miles spoke up, "This does all seem kind of rash. Seriously, where will you even live?"

"Now Miles, I didn't get through life worrying about trivial little matters like where will I go, where will I live, what will I eat? Never would've made it through the thirties worrying about all that baloney. Sheesh, you boomers are too pampered, you know that?"

"Greatest generation for the win!" Grandma shouted, then cackled uproariously.

"Dad…" Miles said, "I really don't think this is a good idea… I mean, it's barely even an idea. I… I think I have to protest."

"Great!" Grandma shouted, as she ran from the room, "I'll go grab the picket signs! Up the establishment! See you at city hall!"

"No, I mean… I don't think I can let you two just up and leave." Miles said.

"You can't stop us!" Grandpa shouted, "I'm over eighteen and I don't have to live under your roof any more! You're not the boss of me!"

With that Grandpa ran up to his room and petulantly slammed the door behind him. Miles and Stella ran after him and knocked on the door, but Grandpa had cranked up the volume on his radio and wasn't listening. Arnold too slowly followed them, hoping to somehow be the peacemaker as usual.

"Dad!" Miles shouted, "Come, on. Be reasonable! Hey! Don't you ignore me…"

"Why don't we just give him some time?" Stella said, "This is probably just a phase. He'll grow out of it."

"No, I think I really need to put my foot down." Miles insisted, "He has to just be told 'no.' It's the only way he'll learn." Miles turned to Arnold and smiled, "Hey, I think I'm finally getting the hang of fatherhood."

Arnold fixed his dad with an incredulous stare, "Well, great… except he's _your_ father."

Miles blinked, "This entire family structure is really confusing… I never thought I'd have to be the adult to your grandpa…"

"Welcome to my world." Arnold sighed.

Confused and saddened, Arnold slapped a leash on Abner and headed out for a long contemplative walk in the park. In all the years his parents had been missing, he'd never really given much thought to the prospect of his grandparents ever retiring, much less leaving the boarding house. He felt conflicted. On one hand, he felt he should be happy for them, and really believed that they deserved a retirement after all the work they had done well into their old age. And yet, he felt a certain sense of responsibility for them. His own parents were beginning to feel like the adults to Grandpa the eighty three year old child, and that was a feeling Arnold had long grappled with. Nonetheless, Arnold loved and adored his grandparents who had made his young life nothing if not interesting. As he glanced around the park, the universe seemed to be teasing him yet again. He saw several kids walking with older couples that were clearly their grandparents, all laughing and conversing warmly with one another. As Arnold and Abner walked over the bridge overlooking a narrow river, they stopped and Arnold leaned against the railing. For a few minutes he just stared down into the flowing water and found himself lost in philosophical musings about flowing water, and the endless stream of time, and how he couldn't stop it.

Suddenly a familiar voice broke him out of his trans.

"Hey, football head, how's it going?"

"Helga?" Arnold asked, turning to see his once tormenter and now supposed girlfriend, "Where'd you come from?"

"Oh you know me, I'm always around." she said, "What's with you? You're looking broody and melancholy even for you."

Arnold gave her a half smile, "I guess so…"

"I hear the buzz is your grandparents are moving on." she said, "Freeing up a little space around that old building, huh?"

Arnold frowned, "I guess that's one way of looking at it."

Helga eased off and looked at him sympathetically.  
"Gonna miss them, huh?" she asked.  
"Yeah," Arnold said, "I don't think I'd feel complete without them around."

"Hey, you've got your real parents." Helga shrugged, "And they seem every bit as… whimsical."

"I know, I know, and I don't mean to sound ungrateful." Arnold said, "But my grandparents always kind of felt like they were my parents. And now seeing them go, it hurts."

"Well, letting go of something important to you always does hurt." Helga said, "But… what do they want?"

Arnold pondered for a moment, then said, "I guess they really seem eager to get out on their own. I just worry about them on their own…"

"Well, maybe you should just trust them. If you love someone you've got to want what's best for them." Helga suggested, "I mean, far be it from me to trust in any authority figures but… I dunno. There's something about your grandma. I'd trust her."

"My grandma?" Arnold asked. "You've… met her, right?"

"In passing," Helga said, "But enough to see that she sees the world the way she wants to, and I respect that. Both of them are kind of… quixotic, I guess. The two of them? They could take on the world."

Arnold smiled. He wasn't accustomed to Helga offering him reassurance, but he wholeheartedly accepted it. As he smiled at her he offered his hand for her to hold. Helga glared at him, then glanced around and saw no witnesses around. Smirking, she grabbed his hand and sighed dreamily.

"All right… since we're alone, mon amor…" she said. "Just imagine… someday we'll be old and gray, and we'll get to travel the world together…"

Arnold gulped, "That's… planning ahead…"

"I'm a big picture kind of gal…" Helga mused.

Arnold frowned. Confronting his true feelings for this girl had already been a huge trial for him without thinking about the prospect of ever marrying her. The fact that she was simultaneously not comfortable with their relationship being public knowledge, but also looking that far into the future of their relationship just confused him further. He really liked Helga a lot, at least he thought so, and he wasn't entirely sure if his feelings for her were quite as strong as hers were for him, but still, she was right about his grandparents. He loved them both dearly, and if this retirement world cruise was what they wanted, he would have to at least try to respect their wishes.

When Arnold returned to the boarding house, he headed upstairs and stood outside the master bedroom door. Listening in, he could hear his grandparents still busily packing their bags and squabbling. With a heavy sigh, Arnold knocked on the door, and to his surprise Grandpa answered.

"What do you want- oh, hey there, short man. What's cracking?" Grandpa asked.

"Hi Grandpa." Arnold said solemnly, "Packing up?"  
"Yes sir, it's time for us to hit the road pretty soon." Grandpa said.

"The lonesome trail is calling our names, Kimba." Grandma added. "Need anything, dear?"

"Well, we haven't talked much in the last couple of weeks." Arnold said, "I just wanted to talk to you guys."

"Oh I expect you've had more catching up to do with your folks." Grandpa said, returning to his packing. "There's still a lot for you to learn about them. Don't worry, you know everything you need to know about me that I can share with you at your age… and Grandma? Well, she'll forever be an enigma that science can't provide logical answers for."

"I still don't know if I'm animal, vegetable or mineral…" Grandma quipped.

"Grandpa…" Arnold sighed.

Seeing his grandson's grief, the old man dropped his act. Turning to Arnold he smiled reassuringly.

"Oh, Short Man, you haven't seen your parents since you were in diapers. I don't hold it against you if you're spending more time with them. You've got them back. It's exciting. It is for grandma and me, too. Real exciting, since we finally get to retire. I can finally do all that stuff regular old folks do or don't do."

"Yeah…" Arnold sighed.

"No more having to deal with us old kooks around here." Grandpa said.

Upon hearing this, Arnold ran over to his grandfather and hugged him. Grandma walked up behind them and placed a hand on Arnold's shoulder.

"That's why I wanted to talk." Arnold said, "They may be my parents… but so are you and grandma. You've taken care of me for as long as I can remember."

"Yep, and before I can remember in all honesty…" Grandpa scratched his head, "Well… you've grown into a fine young man, Arnold. I guess Pookie and I did something right." He laughed as he tussled Arnold's hair.

"I don't want you to feel like I'm going to forget you guys." Arnold insisted.

"Oh that's sweet, dear." Grandma smiled, then pointed at him, "And who are you?"

Arnold frowned in sadness and sighed, "Grandma…"  
"You're my grandma?" she asked, "Well, you do look just like I remember… but then I have a little trouble with… oh what's the word? Remembering things, that's it."

"Grandma? Grandpa?" Arnold asked, "It's more than just me missing you when you leave, I… I'm kind of worried about you."

"Worried? What's there to be worried about? Your grandma and I are completely ready to make our way in the world without help from our parents- I mean… from our kids and grandkids… gosh, this is getting awfully confused isn't it?"

"Arnold." Grandma said in a rather lucid tone she rarely spoke in, "I know you probably think we're a little crazy, but you just have to trust us. We're going to be okay. And even if we're not running this old place, that won't change who you are to us. Believe me when I say we'll always be with you."

Arnold looked into his grandmother's eyes and felt strangely comforted by the wisdom her face exuded. He still had no idea what they were planning to do, but as he thought about it he realized that his grandparents may have been kooks, but they also had never failed his trust. The irony of the whole situation was that he felt like a parent letting go of their grown up child.

"Well, I'll miss you." Arnold said, "I just hope wherever you go… well I hope it feels like home."

Arnold smiled at them and slowly walked out of the room. Grandpa watched him go and considered his last words.

"Somewhere that feels like home…" he repeated.

The next evening, with their bags packed, Grandma and Grandpa stood in the foyer of the boarding house they had called home for what seemed like a lifetime. For young Arnold, of course it had been an actual lifetime. Standing in front of his parents Arnold looked on as his grandparents assembled their things, readying to at last make their departure.

"Well, everything's in order," Grandpa sighed, "I'd like to say how much I'm going to miss this old place… but I'm not. Oh well. So long."

"So long everyone," Grandma said, tipping her ten gallon hat, "The open trail awaits, and we must ride!"

The two old timers hugged Miles and Stella, and Grandpa then turned to his grandson.

"Oh Arnold, I won't miss this old place a bit, but I'll miss you so much." he said.

Arnold sighed, "Grandpa? Grandma? I… I hope you know how much you've meant to me. You've been more than my grandparents, you've been my second set of parents."

"Oh, Arnold," Phil tussled Arnold's hair, "Take care of your mom and dad, just like you always did for me and Pookie."

"Don't you want to say goodbye to the other boarders?"

"What are you kidding?" Grandpa grabbed his bag and stepped out of the door, "We're high tailing it outta here before those bums ask for one more thing of us. So long!"

"Bye Grandma, bye Grandpa," Arnold said sadly, as he waved them off.

Grandma followed Grandpa out the door, and when the door closed behind them they were gone. Arnold nor his parents quite knew what to say, they could only look at one another with sad eyes. They looked at Arnold who was staring at the door, and the two of them felt as if they were on the other side of a similar goodbye they had put him through when he was a baby, handing him off to his grandparents not knowing when they would return. Instantly, the entire boarding house sounded quieter than ever before. Without the echoes of laughter and mere warm comforting presence they brought to the place, things already felt incomplete. For many years, Phil and Gertrude had woven a spell of warm laughter that gave life and mirth to this run down old building, but now the spell had broken, and Arnold's world felt emptier for it.

* * *

**Grandma and Grandpa's goodbye is meant to mirror the departure of Miles and Stella long ago, if that wasn't obvious enough.**


	3. The New Boarders

A clap of thunder signaled the start of a rainstorm, adding to the figurative rainclouds already hovering above Arnold and his parents. With Grandma and Grandpa off on their way to an unknown location to spend their retirement, the family Shortman continued to stare sadly at the door they had disappeared through. After what felt like several long minutes of silence, Miles at last turned to his son and tried to smile encouragingly.

"Don't be sad, Arnold," his father comforted him, "If anyone ever deserves a retirement, it's them."

"And besides, we'll see them again," Stella assured him, "Probably. I just wish they would have told us where they were going… or I wish they knew..."

"Dad and Mom do have their own way of doing things," Miles shrugged, "They said they'd call when they got there. I just hope we can keep this place up like they-"

Miles was interrupted by a knock at the door. Arnold looked at the door suspiciously then walked over to answer the knocking.

"Hello?" Arnold asked.

"Hello there, young man," Grandpa Phil said, removing his hat, "I noticed you had a room for rent and I just- Arnold!" He gasped in what sounded like genuine surprise, "Oh it's you!"

Grandpa threw his arms around the confused boy and cried out for joy.

"Oh it's been too long!" Grandpa laughed, "Look at you! You haven't aged a day! Not growing too fast either, are you? Miles!"

"Dad?" Miles felt as confused as Arnold.

"Long time no see. Say, I see you're still running your own boarding house, just like your old man back in the day," Grandpa laughed, tussling his son's hair.

"I uh… yeah, I sure am." Miles shrugged. "Um, how are you two? How's… retirement going?"

"Retirement? Oh that's been fine. We haven't quite gotten to all our assorted travel plans yet, but Pookie and I are on the market for a place to stay and, well I don't suppose you'd have a room to rent to these two old fools?" Grandpa asked.

Miles and Stella looked at one another and grinned mischievously.

"Well, I don't know…" Stella said, "This place is in high demand these days."

"Oh, please!" Grandpa begged, "Let me tell you, it is hard out there! The housing market in this city is just insane!"

"I suppose the master bedroom did just become available." Miles chuckled, not entirely sure if Grandpa had planned this all as a joke or if he was actually serious, and he felt equally unsure of which possibility scared him more.

"Oh that's wonderful!" Grandpa said, "We'll take it! C'mon, Pookie, we'd better get unpacked."

"Well, I'm going to go dust off the old piano," Grandma said, "It's been too long."

Miles helped his parents with their bags and began carrying them up the stairs. He looked at his old man and said, "Room and board are included. We can discuss the rent over dinner. I'm cooking."

Grandpa was looking disdainfully around the hallway and shaking his head disapprovingly.

"Sheesh, would you just look at the state of this place! It's a mess!" Grandpa bemoaned, "Well, now that I'm retired, I guess I'll have plenty of time to pitch in around here."

Arnold could do little more than smile compliantly as his mother just looked on in amazement.

"Well, Arnold… it's like they never left…" she said, then looked at him with a half grin, "How exactly did you turn out so… normal?"

Arnold shrugged, "The older I get the more I realize how much of life I'm never going to understand…"

Once Grandpa had unpacked his bag and settled back into his room he stepped out of the building and sat on the front stoop. The rain had cleared and now the sun was beginning to set over the Sunset Arms. The old man smiled to himself, feeling unusually satisfied and content with his life. The sound of his wife playing the piano atop the roof filled the evening air with music, and as he enjoyed the moment to himself, he found himself joined by his grandson.

"Hey there short man." Grandpa said.

"Hi Grandpa," Arnold answered. "I just have to ask… were you really ever planning to leave? Or was this all just a stunt?"

"What?" Grandpa shouted, "What do you take me for? This whole thing just happened by pure- okay, yes maybe just a little bit sort of."

"But why, Grandpa?" Arnold asked.

"Oh, I suppose I just wasn't really sure where I fit in around here anymore," Grandpa said, then looked at Arnold poignantly, "Or in your life…"

"Grandpa, what would this place be without you and Grandma? You're the heart and soul of the Sunset Arms," Arnold said, "Even if Mom and Dad are practically running the show now, we still need you two around to lift our spirits and make us laugh. We still need you… we always will. Besides, you've seen how behind Mom and Dad are on the times. You're way ahead of the curve. They still need your help."

"Well, I suppose." Grandpa said.

"I'm a really lucky kid. I've got two parents that are great, and two grandparents that are great."

"Oh we're just good grandparents," Grandpa laughed, "Just be careful of that little friend of yours with the one eyebrow. We don't wanna be great grandparents…"

"Grandpa…" Arnold groaned, though not entirely sure what that meant.

"Oh I'm just joshing you," Grandpa chuckled.

"So, what are you gonna do now?" Arnold asked.

"Oh Pookie and I are still planning to get out and experience the world a little… but we thought maybe we'd start small first. I wouldn't trade the time I've spent with you for anything, but now I've finally got time to pursue my hobbies! I'm passing the parental duty baton to the next generation! I'm finally a free man again! Heh, heh, heh!"

"Oh." Arnold smiled, "Well that's great. What are you gonna do?"

"Well short man let me tell you… I have no idea." Grandpa shrugged.

"Join a bridge club?" Arnold suggested.

"What?" Grandpa gasped, sounding almost offended, "That's for old geezers who have given up on life! Oh, I know! I'm gonna start training to do what I planned to do before your folks took off."

"Um… I'm afraid to ask." Arnold said cautiously, "Oh no… you're not going to do the Old Iron Man race again are you?"

"Nah. I'm past all that crazy stuff." Grandpa assured him.

"Oh good…" Arnold sighed in relief.

"But Everest ain't gonna climb itself!" Grandpa declared, "Or maybe I should start with something smaller, like K2, Kilimanjaro… or maybe just the Matterhorn! Doctor says I could live to a hundred and ten, so I'm gonna use those years to the fullest!"

Suddenly Grandma, now dressed as a Sherpa guide, and carrying a climbing backpack larger than her, burst through the front door cackling wildly.

"Come on, Sir Edmund!" she shouted, "Base camp awaits! We've got Yetis to tame!

She reached into the pack and pulled out an alpine hat that she placed onto Grandpa's head, and then handed him a grappling hook.

"Grandpa… don't you think that's pushing it?" Arnold asked cautiously, "You sure about living life that full?"

"Hmm, you're probably right." Grandpa admitted, "A mountain that size might be biting off more than we can chew for a start. Now let's see, what's a good place to warm up? Should we try scaling buildings downtown? Oh, how about Hawk Mountain? Or maybe just that really steep hill in the park."

"Well, the world's our oyster now, let's go shuck it, Slim." Grandma said.

With that, both of the seniors took off down the street laughing merrily as they set off on their likely soon to be misadventure. Arnold watched with some concern.

"I think I should be worried…" Arnold muttered to himself.

"Nah," came the voice of Helga out of the blue, "I wouldn't worry about them."

Arnold jumped when he saw Helga standing to his left.

"Helga?" he gasped, "Where did you- how did-"

"I'm not magic, you're just not that observant." she said, dismissing his surprise as she sniffed the air, "Mm, something smells good? Your parents cooking? Can I invite myself to dinner here? Thanks, football head."

"Uh," Arnold felt slightly overwhelmed, but suddenly a loud crash in the distance followed by the sound of Grandma's wild laughter caught both kids attention.

"Then again, maybe they do need some adult supervision," she said, and grabbed Arnold by the wrist, "Come on."

The two of them ran off in the direction Arnold's grandparents had fled. They couldn't see either of them, but could hear Grandpa's voice loudly declaring, "Ah, this is exactly how I always envisioned my retirement. So relaxing!"

Grandma's raucous laughter echoed throughout the city as Arnold and Helga gave chase. The two retirees had been unleashed on the world, and even if they were sticking around, life certainly wouldn't stay the same.

* * *

_**I built this whole story around that one scene where Grandma and Grandpa instantly return after their poignant departure, thus instantly undercutting the drama. Don't mean to oversell it but the mere thought of that made me laugh aloud when I first imagined it, and I hope it did for you too…**_


End file.
